{"id":4111,"date":"2018-11-13T07:57:50","date_gmt":"2018-11-13T07:57:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ec2-54-254-239-209.ap-southeast-1.compute.amazonaws.com\/?p=4111"},"modified":"2026-01-13T16:56:52","modified_gmt":"2026-01-13T08:56:52","slug":"invite-helper-have-meal-together","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/invite-helper-have-meal-together\/","title":{"rendered":"Should My Domestic Helper Eat with Us at the Same Table?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"800\" height=\"550\" src=\"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Should-My-Domestic-Helper-Eat-with-Us-at-the-Same-Table.png\" alt=\"Should my domestic helper eat with us at the same table\" class=\"wp-image-14549\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n<p>Having a domestic helper who lives in with your family 24\/7 can sometimes be tricky as the traditional employer-employee relationship gets blurred. You \u2013 and certainly your domestic helper \u2013 might just end up feeling confused and not knowing where you stand about certain things. That\u2019s perfectly understandable given the peculiar nature of the relationship \u2013 the live-in factor doesn\u2019t make it easier. It is okay to wonder where to draw the line on some things \u2013 such as having dinner together \u2013 or have second thoughts after giving it a try (particularly for first-time employers).<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_81 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-3' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/invite-helper-have-meal-together\/#Is_there_a_rule\" >Is there a rule?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/invite-helper-have-meal-together\/#What_should_I_do_if_I_am_not_comfortable_having_meals_with_her\" >What should I do if I am not comfortable having meals with her?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/invite-helper-have-meal-together\/#Avoid_assumptions_%E2%80%93_your_domestic_helper_may_want_privacy_when_having_meals\" >Avoid assumptions \u2013 your domestic helper may want privacy when having meals<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/invite-helper-have-meal-together\/#It_all_comes_down_to_relationship_management\" >It all comes down to relationship management<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/invite-helper-have-meal-together\/#Why_This_Matters\" >Why This Matters<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n<h3><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Is_there_a_rule\"><\/span><strong>Is there a rule?<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>While you should provide your domestic helper with her meals \u2013 or a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/hong-kong\/hong-kong-immigration-domestic-helper-food-allowance\">food allowance<\/a> \u2013, there is no rule on whether she should eat with you and the rest of your family. Basically, it depends on whether you and your domestic helper feel comfortable to have meals together. Obviously, it will feel more natural (and it will definitely be easier) if she has been with your family for a while and if you consider her \u2013 but also if she considers herself \u2013 to be part of the family.<\/p>\n<h3><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What_should_I_do_if_I_am_not_comfortable_having_meals_with_her\"><\/span><strong>What should I do if I am not comfortable having meals with her?<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Don\u2019t force things. If you are not comfortable with the let\u2019s-all-have-dinner-together thing, then don\u2019t! There might be several reasons for that \u2013 meals may be some of the rare moments you get to spend quality time with your whole family, or you may use them to discuss major (family- or couple-related) topics, or you might just want to speak your mother tongue \u2013 and they are all valid reasons. Ideally, this is something you want to (actually you should!) address during the interview process to ensure that both of you are on the same page. If you haven\u2019t, it is fine, but make sure that you openly discuss this with your domestic helper as early as possible. The more you wait, the more awkward the talk. Be respectful, polite and clear but talk about it. She is most likely to understand your point. You might even be surprised by her reaction!<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<h3><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Avoid_assumptions_%E2%80%93_your_domestic_helper_may_want_privacy_when_having_meals\"><\/span><strong>Avoid assumptions \u2013 your domestic helper may want privacy when having meals<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>If you feel like your domestic helper should share her meals with you and your family so that you can altogether eat at the same table the food she cooked for your family and herself, ask her what her view on that is. Don\u2019t assume that she wants to sit with you and have dinner with the whole family. She might want her privacy or feel uncomfortable in such a context. Again, don\u2019t force things. Just ask her. For all you know, she might want to spend some time alone, eat at a different moment or unwind while listening to music or watching television. No matter what, do not invite her to have dinner with you if your offer is not genuine. Asking her to share your meals only because you think that\u2019s the polite thing to do might backfire and result in awkward and uncomfortable moments for everyone.<\/p>\n<h3><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"It_all_comes_down_to_relationship_management\"><\/span><strong>It all comes down to relationship management<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Relationship management can be a tough job (you\u2019ll get better at it with time, no doubt about that!) \u2013 and some are easier to manage than others.\u00a0If you think it\u2019s better to change your arrangements, then do it \u2013 just discuss it with your domestic helper. Keep in mind that communication is absolutely crucial, so don\u2019t overlook this key aspect of relationship management.<\/p>\n<h2 data-start=\"6049\" data-end=\"6068\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Why_This_Matters\"><\/span><strong>Why This Matters<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p data-start=\"6070\" data-end=\"6330\">A helper who feels respected and socially included is more at ease, more communicative, and more motivated. For employers, small gestures like shared meals \u2014 when offered thoughtfully \u2014 build a working environment defined by mutual respect and shared humanity.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"6332\" data-end=\"6613\">HelperChoice encourages employers and helpers to approach shared experiences with openness, clarity, and respect for personal boundaries. A simple invitation can do a lot \u2014 but the real value lies in listening, understanding, and building connection in ways that work for everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Having a domestic helper who lives in with your family 24\/7 can sometimes be tricky as the traditional employer-employee relationship gets blurred. You \u2013 and certainly your domestic helper \u2013 might just end up feeling confused and not knowing where you stand about certain things. That\u2019s perfectly understandable given the peculiar nature of the relationship [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":4112,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"slim_seo":{"description":"Ways to make shared meals with your domestic helper meaningful, respectful, and a chance to boost communication and understanding. Read more","title":"Should My Domestic Helper Eat with Us at the Same Table? - HelperChoice Blog"},"footnotes":""},"categories":[383],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4111","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-manage-helper"],"blocksy_meta":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/pexels-photo-390403.jpeg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4111","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/14"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4111"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4111\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14551,"href":"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4111\/revisions\/14551"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4112"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4111"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4111"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.helperchoice.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4111"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}